I went card shopping this week. Almost all of them said things like…World’s Best Dad. So what about those of us without a Father or honestly with a crappy one? What do we do?
I did find one card. On the outside it said…Smile, it’s Father’s Day. And on the inside, it read…You can go back to being grumpy tomorrow. But to keep the peace, I did not dare buy it.
The sad truth is that I am a third generation ‘Fatherless’ girl. My grandmother lost her Daddy to cancer when she was twelve. As a very likely result, my mother never knew hers. And me? Mine left to get a pack of cigarettes when I was two and a half. I have seen him four times since…each a bigger disaster than the last.
I wish with all my heart that I could say the cycle ended with me. And it is certainly not as extreme for my girls, but neither has the close relationship with their father’s that I wanted. I worry about the cost, because it is a heavy one that I have paid for a lifetime…
At fifty-one for the first time in my life, I love and am loved in return by a remarkable man. I wake up every morning and look at him with gratitude and a touch of awe that this amazing man could love me.
Men…you see that is the problem. IF a little girl is not loved and cherished by her Daddy then she will have trouble recognizing love…what a HEALTHY relationship truly is.
This song is all too sadly true…
If you hear guilt in this, you are right. I do blame myself for what my girls face. This road has not been fun and though I love my pot of gold at the end of its rainbow…and appreciate him all the more for it…it is not what I would want for them. And despite what that song says…even good mothers cannot make up for the ‘Daddy hole’. I know because I have tried.
In fact, I tell all my children…
The most important decision you will ever make is not your career, your house, your car or even who you marry. The most important decision is who you breed with. That can never be changed…and you are not the only one who will face the consequences of a wrong decision.
To all the other ‘fatherless’ little girls out there…learning to love and value yourself is the hardest thing you will ever do. But until you do, it is difficult to make any other relationship work. Don’t give up hope though…not all men are like that.
To all the fathers and men in general…You are the most important person in your little girl’s world. You are Super Man, Iron Man and Batman all rolled into one. You are the first love of her life…and what you do with that will determine her fate (at least more than you might like to believe) for a very long time. It is a sacred trust. Don’t break it!
So Happy Father’s or Fatherless Day. Remember it is never too late to change. No matter what your childhood was like as an adult we have choices to make…new ones every day. Rather than let your past control you, make the most of your freewill. It is a powerful and beautiful thing. You deserve it…and yes, you are more than worthy of love.