REAL Woman Wednesday: Mirror, Mirror

Mirror, mirror on the wall…
Who’s the fairest of them all?

Dem words caused a whole lot of trouble for poor Snow White. When her middle aged step-mother sought reassurance from her magical mirror.

6799_587932008023054_7361459963640833856_nI had a similar experience this weekend when I took PanKwake swimming. I caught just a brief glimpse of my naked body in the full-length mirror as I changed into my swimsuit. That was enough. I was disgusted. Specifically with my tummy, my gut.

But unlike the Queen in this story, I am not blaming others. Snow White. Society’s unrealistic images of beauty (yes, they may be, but those are not my goals). PanKwake for not having time. Not wanting to cook for one…fast food…comfort food. And I am NOT doing this for a man, or in hopes of landing one.

I am doing this FOR ME.

Because I want to be happy or at least content with what I see in that mirror.

I am putting the same energy and determination into losing weight and tightening those abs (as best I can without a tummy tuck anyway) that the Queen put into finding and slaying Snow White.

I quit making excuses, because one thing about me that sets me apart from many others…IF I don’t like something, I change it. I always have and I always will.

And this is a battle that I have already fought and won once before. Fifteen years ago, I was a size 22/24 (bigger than I am now). My first marriage was failing. Not because I was fat, but I was fat because of my marriage. I looked in the mirror and realized that my weight was a physical representation of the emotional baggage I was carrying.

I joined the gym…and I went down to a size 10. I left my preacher husband. Moved to Los Angeles where I had always dreamt of living. And I screwed a famous baseball player and walked out on a rock star, who was too drunk to seal the deal. I worked for almost two years as a personal trainer inspiring other women to do the same.

Then two more late in life pregnancies…which I do NOT regret. And two more controlling exes. Autism. Epilepsy. Miscarriage. Depression. Drugs that made me gain more weight. And more hurt than I want to admit.

But as I said…the one thing that I truly believe in is that we ALL have the power of choice…FREE WILL. We can do or be anything we want to be.

BUT we have to want it bad enough to take action. 

And this girl had not gotten to that point. She was content to just turn her back on that mirror. Blame society for not being more accepting. Like Eric/Magneto tells Raven…you want society to accept, but you cannot accept yourself.

But I am through making excuses about time and money. If you want something badly enough, you make the time and find the money. It really is NOT that expensive or time consuming. 

So, yesterday, five years to the day since I left PanKwake’s dad, Independence Day, I took control of my body. I am not radically doing stupid diets or pills. Just sensible changes like beginning the day with a nutritious breakfast instead of just coffee, making lunch the big meal of the day, and eating nothing but fruits and vegetables after five.

Exercise too does not have to be about kill yourself, expensive stuff…though my goal is to finish the Half Mudder in September of this year. Yesterday, I walked to an appointment and then home…the long way. I began a twenty-eight day Ab Challenge. And I will use the Wii-Fit we have when I cannot go out. Oh, and PanKwake and I signed up for a walk to support SportsRelief. So please consider sponsoring us.

Like I said…this is about one thing only…ME. I am putting me…if not first…at least in the game for once. That is not selfish…just smart.

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