You want the very best relationship advice I can give you?
This week I had lunch with my older daughter again. She was glowing, happy and disgustingly bubbly. And I was so fucking happy for her. After a bad break up of her first REAL relationship with one of those men, who takes you for granted, and months of depression, I was so relieved at what I saw there.
You see on New Year’s Eve some friends drug her ass to…wait for it…a speed dating thing. She went just because of her friends, to fight back against the depression and as she said for the laughs. She was certain that she was NOT going to meet anyone.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I love the dark god of Fate, with his sadistic humor. His friends were the first…’Wait, just wait, until you meet my friend Jay. Remember that name…Jay.’ While her drunk girlfriend was sucking face with and slobbering unattractively all over this guy, Mere-Mere and Jay were talking about my apocalypse theory and social re-set button.
He said he would text her the next day, but it was the 2nd before he did. But when he did, the first message was asking her out…and she did say that it was probably already the New Year and the 1st when he said that. They have been on two dates…consecutive weekends.
And get this…not even a REAL first kiss yet. I am so proud…yeah, you mother truckin’ heard me right! This New Age guru of love and sex is PROUD of her daughter for taking it slowly.
Anyway, she was make-me-barf giddy, because he had asked her to go out with him and a group of his friends that night. Then Mommy had to go an ruin it all, “Wow, meeting his friends! And he has not even been in your pussy yet.” Yeah, having a New Age sex guru as your Mom sounds more fun than it is.
Take the text I received last night,
If I meet his family in March can I still put off introducing you till Thanksgiving?
Less than two minutes later she is calling me, sing-songy with the same question…could not even wait for me to see and respond to the text. And I spoiled it again, “Wow and he still ain’t been inside your pussy!?!” I did redeemed myself a bit when I assured her that she could…just explain to him that her mother was the priestess of the goddess of love, life and sex. I figure that is explanation enough.
Let’s hope no one shows the poor guy this blog, though my beloved Gretta (my oldest son Mister Stability’s fiancé) tolerates my crazy ass.
So the best relationship advice this New Age guru and priestess of the goddess of love, life and sex can give:
For that best friend,
- Who always wants to know how your day was
- Who makes you laugh when you want to cry
- Who stands by your side when everyone else is running for cover
- Who you want to lay next to in bed talking with and sharing dreams as much as or even more than you want to fuck their brains out (but fuck’em anyway…then talk…then fuck…then…oh, I hope you get the picture)
- The one, who does not laugh or roll their eyes when you announce that you are the New Age priestess of love, life and sex…or run when you tell him that your Mom is.
Because that is what you DESERVE! And anything else is just selling your haute couture soul at charity shop prices. Sharing your body and giving a piece of that soul to someone who does not deserve it.
Goddess bless us all with the one, who chases us. (Oh, that means when you do find them…you got to chase them back too. A game of tag in the park of life…now that is a life worth living.)