Home. After what feels like almost a decade in exile, seven years without even setting foot on American soil, I am HOME. What a word…home.
Thing is…home is not a place. It never has been. That is part of the reason that I have not had the ‘will’, the motivation, the drive to take the risks necessary to change…and that is strange for me. I have always been the type that if I wanted something, I went for it. At nineteen, a friend inspired me with her stories of Cancun, Mexico. I saved up money, quit my job and went there. Now granted I failed, but that never stopped me from trying again.
But this one has been different. England was never meant to be permanent. But due to unforeseen circumstances the planned couple of years has turned into a decade. And since that first year, I have been pretty much miserable. I have wanted to go home…but had no idea where that was any more. I am not the type that goes back…every time I have it has been a disaster. So forward is the only way with me.
No, home is not a location (no matter what the real estate agents tell you). Home is about the people. It is about belonging. And this weekend I have had many lessons in that. Lessons that I am still processing and may be for a long time. But even those lessons build as most do upon our past.
Though I have long since left the religion of my childhood and my role as the Pentecostal preacher’s wife far…Far…FAR behind, the bible like many religious tomes holds pearls of great wisdom. One of those can be found in 1 Kings 7, the story of the prophet Elijah, who was told to hide in the desert, god sent birds to feed him morning and night and he had fresh water to drink from a brook.
Until that brook dried up…
My brook has dried up.
And while I am still processing my next move…the most important thing sometimes is knowing that you must move. Having that flame lit under your ass that forces you out of your comfort zone. That is never a comfortable place…but it is a necessary one…
Is that serious enough for you this Sunday?
This week my blog will be a bit different…primarily photos from my journeys and disjointed thoughts about the things I saw and did and the people I met.