As a sub it is all too easy sometimes to forget something…Doms need us as much as we need them.
Yes, as a sub you can feel like a needy little cunt…and not in the good way. You can mistakenly see your needs as a burden to your Dom. You can even try to hide the depth of them, deny yourself their full release. A huge part of this is feminism and the prevailing attitude that ‘strong’ women don’t need no man. But don’t give into those lies. Don’t deny yourself or him the release you need.
I remember the day I realized this important lesson. I was at a club with a former Dom. He was not what you would expect in a Dom actually due to health issues. But nonetheless he had my submission…which for this girl is total. As I knelt next to his wheel chair, I noticed a man just behind us staring intently at me. To the point it made me uncomfortable. Now while I am not butt ugly, I am not and never have been the type of woman that draws that type of attention, that turns men’s head like that, I am no Helen of Troy who launched a thousand ships. But my submissive can be…because the depths of her devotion. When my Dom went outside with a friend to smoke, the man continued to stare but was polite enough not to approach me. Honestly, he was younger, better looking than my Dom and I should have been and in retrospect am flattered by the clear attention.
But it is not just the male Doms who long for and crave submission. I remember a Domme that I met at my first event. She was most definitely a REAL Woman (maybe I will see if she is up for a REAL Woman Wednesday). She had this amazing smile and a devious laugh. She and another Domme friend would ‘hold court’ on the couches in a corner of the room. They had these much younger and very stunning ‘boy toy’ subs that they would so put through their paces. Fast forward a few months and I saw her again at an event, she was alone. Her smile was gone. She had aged. And she spoke so bitterly about not being able to find a ‘good sub.’
I remember with my former Dom laying in bed next to him and looking up after play one night. Now his health issues had decimated his once stunning good looks. But in that moment, I looked up and his eyes literally sparkled. His face shone with light from within as he smiled. He looked years younger, more carefree than I had ever seen him. And I thought…you did that. Your submission gave him that gift.
Now I am not going to lie, not all Doms can handle my depths of light. Though I promise you…all want it. But they want the fun parts of it…not the responsibility that goes with someone as deeply and truly submissive as I am. So if you are what I call ‘naturally’ submissive, you do need to use wisdom about who you entrust your submission to. Or you will get badly hurt as I have.
But the truth is…as I spoke about on Saturday…when two people are compatible in this way too…it can be truly humbling. Not needing to hide your light, being able to ask for pain or control when you need it the most…without feeling like you are being a burden to him…it is a special place. Probably one that is all too rare in D/s relationships…which is a shame as that is supposedly the difference between us and ‘vanilla.’
I am reminded once more of a sermon from my ‘preacher’s wife’ days. The preacher was talking about ‘testifying.’ And he said that most people were not comfortable about it because they were afraid of offending someone. He said…where are you going to offend them to? Hell 2?
Now this girl may end up in Hell 2 if that judgemental crap is true. BUT the point is…shouldn’t you be more worried about the fact that you need to hide your light from this Dom than you are about losing him? If his need for Domination/control/inflicting pain is not as deep as your submission/masochism, isn’t it better to find that out early so you can both move on to people who are more compatible?
Because when you do match…then He feeds off and need your submission/pain just as fucking much as you crave his control, his Domination, and that pain only he can give you. And that is what we all really seek.