Sensual Saturday…

Toning things down just a tiny bit after intense Thoughtful Thursday and Freaky Friday. Today on Sensual Saturday, I want to explore the issue of compatibility in relationships.

Dictionary.com defines compatible as capable of existing or living together in harmony.

Wiktionary says: two or more things are able to exist or perform together in combination without problems or conflict.

Harmony…without problems or conflict….Dat’s a BIG order, folks. One that few relationships of any type can fill. But one that is especially important when it comes to love and/or marriage.

For a writer, some of the saddest things for me is to receive an email from a reader that begins…

‘Why can’t my wife/husband be more like you?’

I know that whatever comes next cannot be good. I know because…I have been there…twice.

With my first marriage, it was not sex compatibility that was the issue, but rather our world view. Over the course of our thirteen year marriage, we had simply drifted so far apart that essentially the only common ground we did have was between the sheets. Even how we dealt with our children was different, as was our religion, our view of money and the relationship itself. We made the decision to divorce.

My second marriage though did involve a mismatch of libido that to this day affects my body image and comfortability with my sexuality. Let me tell you, folks, few things can be as damaging as the hurtful words of someone you love when it comes to intimacy. Nympho…slut…laughter that still rings in my ears and brings tears to my eyes as I type this. All because I dressed up in sexy lingerie and tried to seduce my own husband.

I know the pain of incompatibility all too well, ya’ll. And as much as I try to encourage them to try a bit harder, I know too that all too often that is futile. Sometimes it comes to a point where staying undercuts your self-esteem, spirals you towards depression and even that ‘valley of the shadow of death’ that I talked about the other week.

If you find yourself in that place…honestly I don’t know what to say any more. I am the type that believes in keeping her commitments once she makes them…but I also believe we all have the right to be happy and accepted for who we are. In the end…the optimist, the romantic, the writer has only this sage advice to give…the rest is up to you. For only you can walk the path that it is yours to travel…

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One thing I do know…if he or she does not care enough to respect you and those differences, then there is not much hope. Not if you want to maintain your self-worth. Goddess bless us all to find that person…but more importantly to BE that person.

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