Why I Make Pancakes for my son’s XXX…

My adult son that teaches in China is visiting for a month. He lived at home for almost a year between university and moving there to teach. And in that time we formed a bit of a tradition…every time he has ‘overnight guests’ (i.e. brings a girl home to screw) I make them breakfast in bed. Usually I say something along the lines of…this is for putting up with my son. I know…only in my fucked up family.

But there is a story behind this tradition. I was nineteen. I had only lost my virginity a couple of months before. He was one of my first lovers…either a member of the band, bouncer or bartender I forget which. I went back to his after the bar closed that night. Mind you ‘his’ was a bachelor pad studio in his parents’ basement. But the guy was in his twenties, divorced and with a kid…so hardly a child.

Around noon the next day as I was laying in his bed, naked still, his mother barges…without knocking into the room…shouting at the top of her lungs…Get your whore out of my house…you are both going to burn in hell.

Did you miss the bit about me being an ‘almost’ virgin still at this point? Hell, a year before that I might have met this woman in church…where I taught Sunday school. And I knew my bible well enough to know…let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

We dressed and went out drinking and riding four-wheelers for the rest of the day. But that stuck with me…and I knew then that I would NEVER be that Mom. Even with the ones that I don’t particularly like (and there have been a few clingy bitches that I wanted to tell…have some dignity)…I still make breakfast, chat and do all I can to set them at ease. Which oddly enough sometimes makes them more uncomfortable than I was that Sunday morning…go figure.

So here is what they got this morning…Chocolate chip pancakes with chocolate syrup, whipped cream and topped with fresh strawberries…even if she was a moaner (my least fav…I may be cool with it but damned if I showed my kids respect by trying my damnedest to always use the ‘Mommy’ voice…why can’t they do the same for me?).

They have to keep up their energy somehow, right?
They have to keep up their energy somehow, right?
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