Secrets…

I just finished one of the most powerful love scenes I have ever written. And, ladies, boy, does Bjorn have a surprise for you…I know I was shocked as shit when he told me. But the reason…what brought it all out in the open…was simple. His wife’s insecurities. The truth was that Kirsty could not accept his love, because she could not love herself. The harder truth is that she is not alone. Most of us cannot.

I freely admit that as hard as I work at it…it still kicks my ass. I have had younger lovers…I have ‘batted’ way above my average as the saying goes. But as intelligent, caring and seemingly confident as I am…the hardest words for me to ever obey with a Dom is…’Get naked.’ Every single time I hear those words, I cringe. They bring out my brat as I try to think of someway of diverting him, delaying him, getting his mind away from that. I am too fucking submissive to actually say no, but those words make me want to ‘red’ more than pain ever will.

Oh, I write about men like Bjorn, Daniel and Samuel (The Arrangement). Men, who see and value the inner beauty more than the outer. But try as hard as I like…that seems like nothing more than a fairy tale. Something that is simply too good to be true. ‘Real’ men are not like that. That is what those voices in my head whisper to me. What do they whisper to you?

Because the truth is that the society in which we live has an exceedingly narrow view of ‘beauty.’ And no matter how many times I play this song…I still think… Lucky bitch, you have one of the few ‘good’ men.

But that is a lie too…our men have their own insecurities. The truth is that human beings find being open, vulnerable and yes, naked with one another difficult. But the only way we are ever going to come to terms with that…is being honest with one another.

So, good morning, I am Tara…and I hate my tummy.

I love my green eyes that tell you everything I am thinking and feeling. I love my hair that even though I color the greys it remains so soft and thick that my lovers always love pulling it or simply running their fingers through it. I love my legs that still look good in a mini-skirt. I love my butt that even at fifty is still firm and spankable. I love my intelligent mind and my caring, open and honest heart. I even love my idealism.

But as long and genuine as that list is…when I look in the mirror…the only fucking thing I can see is the one thing I don’t like. Everything between my boobs and my pussy. I have spent money I don’t have on corsets in the hopes that I can distract the man I am with. Hell, for the longest time, I made ‘naked’ a hard limit for that very reason.

I hate the muffin top…that horrid name for the rolls of fat and skin that hang over your pussy. The ones that no amount of sit ups or dieting will ever completely alleviate once you have born a child. Even though I would not trade my children to have my old body back, neither can I bring myself to love this ‘badge of courage’ that I now wear for their existence.

I hate the nasty thick red/pink scar from my gall bladder surgery. The surgery that saved my life so I can go on loving my kids, writing my books and hopefully one day even find a man that can accept the things about me that I cannot accept about myself.

And I hate that I hate myself…that it matters so fucking much to me…

What do you hate about you? Let’s be honest, because that is the first step in healing.

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Secrets…

  1. Tara, I’m a fan of yours because of your honesty and your wit. The filth is good too. The posts about orgasms were instructive.

    Some real men see the inner beauty. Some real men like curvy women, and we are blind to the bad parts. We admire what we like. I am one of those men. All of my lovers have been curvy, they all hate their tummy.

    Your posts talked a lot about how to have great orgasms. You missed out step one. Men should make a woman feel warm, comfortable and relaxed or hot, passionate and desired. If they’re rally good they can have all of those feelings. Then the fun can start.

    Free yourself. Ignore your tummy, all your lovers do.

    My name is Jon and I hate my saggy neck.

    1. Good morning Jon and thank you.

      I should say that I do not allow my tummy hate to stop my Happy O fun. Ironically, coming really hard and often is even better than sit ups…leaves your muscles sorer too.

      Necks? See I would have never thought of that one…being sub necks only matter if there is a hand gently squeezing it. But that makes the Top 10 list of things you do NOT do to a Dom…so I would never even notice one…lol.

      But thank you for being honest and sharing.

  2. Jon is right on both accounts. I’m lucky that my man loves my curves so much that he makes me forget about my tummy.
    But my neck – oh, the double chin. The neck that is big enough that standard collars don’t fit without choking (which is fine sometimes but not all the time!). Hubby and I are discussing a “day” collar for me and the one thing I insisted on was that it hung down a little. Otherwise I look like a spaghetti squash with a belt around the middle.

    Loving every post, Tara. Thanks.

    1. Think about dog tags off Amazon with an inscription. Mine hang just between my tits…I love that. And fairly indestructible too. I should know as PanKwake has tried to pull mine off a few times during one of her meltdowns. Cost effective…simple statement. Of course, mine is all just pretend…a reminder of my submissive nature even if I never find the kind of love I write about.

      And Jon…I bow to your superior knowledge of chins…not that my own is perfect…just that it is not my tummy. Yet anyway.

  3. Sophie, how lively to read that. It’s what I try so hard to achieve, but there’s always a degree of bias between lovers. Pot hear a stranger say that she can forget, that is a big yes! Happily mine isn’t a double chin, just saggy and most unattractive when seen from below.

  4. ok here it goes i like my eyes, lips and legs that´s it i hate my thighs and hips because they´re too wide and make jeans hard to fit either they are able to fit pass my thighs and not close on my hips or they can fit around my hips but hurt my thighs. my neck is wide my stomach upper and lower are fat and i have love handles and my hands they´re too rough from house work (washing dishes, clothes, sweeping and moping) and i can´t have long nails because they´re too fragile and i have hair everywhere!! too much of it!!

  5. Today I witnessed real body confidence. A huge bear of a man with more hair on his back than his head. Mind you in my bed…I love both. But at the pool…in a Speedo? No man should wear those things…not even fucking Bjorn. But that is confidence worthy of us all aspiring too.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s