The next chapter of Ægir’s Captive posted this morning. The first comment is from another author friend. For the past few chapters, he has been nicely ‘complaining’ that Kirsty, the heroine, caves, capitulates, surrenders, gives in, insert your own verb too easily to the heroes. Honestly, maybe she does. But that is human nature…and especially the nature of a true submissive.
First of all, I believe that most humans desperately want companionship, love. We are pack animals, like wolves not donkeys. Probably even more than wolves. And a deep set evolutionary and biological need is to breed…and in the case of humans that goes a tad deeper. It is about bonding with another human being. As I said, ‘most’ of us…there are always lone wolves, but they are the minority.
That is the same whether you are male or female. Yes, men and women thinking differently, approach love and mating differently. I spent months exploring those differences and maybe I will share with you some of the things I learned…in another blog. But today is about our need to surrender to another person…
And that is especially true of those with a submissive nature. They crave trust, surrender, being taken care of in a way that is illogical…and at times, with the wrong person detrimental. Unfortunately, that is just who they are. So today, I am taking you inside my brain again…my sub brain…
For the first time in close to a year, I have re-ignited an old friendship with a Dom (not saying who girls…but bet you can guess). We are emailing and messaging. Now, I walked away from the BDSM lifestyle almost a year ago. No, being honest, I crawled away, like a wolf wounded by predators to lick its wounds. I have turned down friends requests from Doms, I have not been to any events, I rarely even open that social media site that I keep talking about…the one where Kirsty meets her guys. I swore…no more, never again. I am done with it.
The thing is…when submissive is a part of your nature and not just a game you play sometimes, in the bedroom to liven things up…that is NOT possible. Well, actually, you can, for short periods of time. But it is not mentally healthy to try and change a core part of your personality. Like Kirsty has for a life-time…to be someone that you are not. So honestly, I have done a fair job of writing goals, making to-do list, rules and the like. I kid that I have learned to Dom myself. And it has been working…at a price. That price is stress, tension.
But the moment that he responded to that first message…my sub brain took over. Like any addicted, the first taste is all it takes. But oh, does that drug taste sweet! Even my friends are noticing it. Hell, even strangers are. The other day, a friend and I took our daughters to Disney on Ice. On the Tube (subway/train), she told me that this guy, who I thought was just being nice to my daughter because he could see she was special needs, was checking out my butt when I was not looking. That just confirms what I have always thought…the sexiest thing is…happiness.
As Kirsty said at one point…she was fighting herself more than she was the brothers. And when you stop fighting who and what you are. When you feel safe enough…notice I said ‘enough,’ not perfect, not ideal…but enough…to be who you are, well, why would you do anything else?
Of course, my writer friend hit on something else too…don’t make it too easy for them or they will get bored. But there are other things to fight than yourself. And other ways of fighting…a strong woman will always be a strong woman. And the smart Doms appreciate even more when that strength bends its knee to them….willingly. That is the difference between submission and being taken. Of course, as Kirsty knows…damn, it is hot when there is a touch of both.