Inside My ‘Sick’ Mind…

As I said in my About Me page, I have been writing almost as long as I have been reading. But it has been an on and off thing. I came back to it seven years ago at Literotica. I began writing again because my marriage, my last chance at happily ever after, the thing that I had sacrificed home and family to follow a man half way around the world was falling apart. But I am not a quitter…not easily anyway. I knew I was having some very kinky and dark fantasies about a younger neighbor, someone very much like my now ex. I am also not a cheater.

So I had the brilliant idea of writing ‘that man right out of my hair.’ So I started posting very poorly written porn about my fantasies. It did work by the way…I never had an affair with him and when I see him today I think…’what?’ It also reignited a passion for writing that I will never again completely ignore…even during the worst of times with PanKwake…I am always thinking about getting back to my other love. But that experience illustrates my writing process…how my sick mind works.

The Road Not Taken is one of my favorite poems. In this life, we all face hundreds, perhaps thousands, of those “roads that diverge in yellow woods.” We cannot take them all. And as the poem says “Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.” But sometimes there are roads that we simply cannot forget either. Those roads are why and how I write. People, places and experiences that have touched some part of me…I could not walk the roads with them, but I somehow knew they had taken a piece of me on their journey…and I them.

So it is with Ægir’s Captive. This story was inspired by a brief encounter that I had with a sea captain. A Dom, who in the space of an afternoon took a piece of my heart. This is a VERY fictionalized account of that story, especially as he was just one man and not three. But there are pieces of him in each of the brothers, as there are pieces of other people I have known and just pure imagination.

Like Kirsty and Sven, we met on a BDSM social media site and messaged for months. But his ship made dock so rarely and never when PanKwake was with her dad. Except that once. All of those feelings that Kirsty had on that train, I had too…and I had a hell of a lot more sexual experience than she did. Yes, we had coffee. Yes, we laughed. And yes, he took me back to his ship…which was much larger than a fishing boat.

Yes too, he took me below deck. Honestly, even with all my experience, his intensity scared me. Unlike Kirsty, we discussed limits. He was the first Dom that ever wanted to play without them…no safe words, no rules. Something else that scared me. In the end, I won that negotiation…and lost my knickers as surely as she did. And I will never regret it.
Leg ShibariHe is totally and completely Sven when it comes to rope. I had almost no experience with it up until that point. And though I have since played with a few more ropers/riggers, none have ever compared to him. That first scene of them together when he laced her legs, looked something like this. And I was not lying, he did it in less than two minutes.

It was not tentative. No hesitation. Rope was not art with this man. It was as much a part of him, of his nature as the seas which he had sailed for almost thirty years. It was an extension of his Dominance. His eyes rarely left mine the whole time he positioned and tied. That is something I have never had again. I won’t tell you the other thing that he did with the rope that day because that would be a spoiler.

Unlike Sven and Kirsty, we said good-bye and kissed briefly before I got back on that train. Our lives are on different paths. I knew this tough seaman, who did not want children, could never be the Rex Ranger (Night Walker’s Woman) that my Angel needs. But the train ride from Tilbury to London really does take the better part of two hours. And my fertile imagination, suddenly realized just how vulnerable I had been (though unlike Kirsty someone always knew where I was and with whom…remember that girls). How easily he could have kept me tied to his bed, set sail with me as his captive.

And if our paths had been a bit more converging than diverging, I believe that I would have very much wanted to be his willing captive. So yes, I do believe that you can fall for someone as quickly as Kirsty does for Sven…and Bjorn…and Mikael.

I did for Micke that rainy Friday afternoon in Tilbury…this my friend is our alternate universe….the happily ever after that was not meant to be for us.

And by the way…Kirsty is modeled on PanKwake’s lovely OT…may she one day find her love…or loves as her namesake did.

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